My name is Jense.
This was an old thought I wrote about a year ago.
...
I've come to learn that in this little thing called Life, the people you meet are never by accident. In one way or another, whether they be acquaintances or your best friends, the people you meet teach you the greatest lessons of life in ways that you could never learn on your own.
I've come to learn that in this little thing called Life, Angels come into your life when you need them the most. They come to you to lift you up when all you want to do is stumble and cry, and through thick and thin, they will continue to stand by your side when it is needed. Those angels will become your best friends.
I've come to learn that in this little thing called Life, sometimes the people you love the most will leave. Sometimes, it is by their own choice and power. Sometimes, it isn't. But whether it's by choice or not, you will always love them. Even more importantly, you will always love and appreciate them for making you the greater and stronger person that you are. It may be possible that you will never see them again, but you will always treasure that little piece of you that they helped create.
But most of all, I've come to learn that in this little thing called Life, everything happens for a reason. At the time, it may feel like it's the hardest thing to ever happen to you and that you will never make it to the light at the end of the tunnel. It may feel like everyone is against you, and you are all alone. It may feel like you will never make it through.
But you will.
Because in the end, it always works out.
So what is life's greatest lesson?
Love. Just love.
Saturday, July 9, 2011
Tickle the Ivory
My name is Jense.
Travel down memory lane with me.
....
As I tickle the ivory,
The memories flow through my head.
A tiny child, no more than one,
Stumbling over to touch,
To feel.
It is there,
Within her grasp.
POUND! POUND! POUND!
Her smile widens
And her eyes sparkle
At the sound.
Patience.
For one day,
You will tickle the ivory.
A little girl, no more than ten,
Yearning to understand,
To comprehend.
It's all so new
So foreign.
CLUNK! CLUNK! CLUNK!
The frustration deepens,
And a tear flows down her cheek.
Patience.
For one day,
You will tickle the ivory.
A young woman, no more than sixteen,
Standing in front of an audience.
"One of my best students,"
Her teacher says,
"Can sight read very well."
The fear comes.
Anxiety rises.
She begins to play.
It is going well.
And then...
CLUNK!
It catches her off guard.
Her cheeks redden with shame.
Patience.
For you almost tickle
The ivory.
Now, no more than eighteen,
The memories come back.
It was not easy.
At times, it was very hard.
But those hard times made me better
As well as the happy times.
And I smile.
For today,
I tickle the ivory.
Travel down memory lane with me.
....
As I tickle the ivory,
The memories flow through my head.
A tiny child, no more than one,
Stumbling over to touch,
To feel.
It is there,
Within her grasp.
POUND! POUND! POUND!
Her smile widens
And her eyes sparkle
At the sound.
Patience.
For one day,
You will tickle the ivory.
A little girl, no more than ten,
Yearning to understand,
To comprehend.
It's all so new
So foreign.
CLUNK! CLUNK! CLUNK!
The frustration deepens,
And a tear flows down her cheek.
Patience.
For one day,
You will tickle the ivory.
A young woman, no more than sixteen,
Standing in front of an audience.
"One of my best students,"
Her teacher says,
"Can sight read very well."
The fear comes.
Anxiety rises.
She begins to play.
It is going well.
And then...
CLUNK!
It catches her off guard.
Her cheeks redden with shame.
Patience.
For you almost tickle
The ivory.
Now, no more than eighteen,
The memories come back.
It was not easy.
At times, it was very hard.
But those hard times made me better
As well as the happy times.
And I smile.
For today,
I tickle the ivory.
Friday, July 8, 2011
Deletion
My name is Jense.
I just went through and deleted some older posts.
Shocked? Me too. I didn't think that I really would. I thought maybe it was necessary to keep all the posts that I've written. I mean, these posts have been who I was and am from the beginning of this year. So shouldn't I keep a record?
But, I deleted some. Particularly the ones that made me the most sad or angry.
Ya, you can look. I know there are still some there.
I kept those cuz those are the major ones. The ones that really show my progression.
Life is so unfigureoutable, isn't it? It starts out one way, then throws a fast one at you.
And you're never ready for the fast one.
And so, you make dumb mistakes. Or get hurt. Or hurt others.
Life is so unfigureoutable. We think we are one way, then we find out that we've been wrong.
And then you realize just how much you really did not know about yourself.
Life is so unfigureoutable. It's hard to figure out how to let go of the past. Of the people of the past. Of the past YOU.
And so, you hold on to it. The grudges. The memories. The sorrow. It drags you further and further down.
Life is so unfigureoutable.
Cuz Life is always changing.
And you have to change with it.
But Life is figureoutable in one aspect:
MAN ARE THAT THEY MIGHT HAVE JOY.
Joy. Happiness. Goodness.
"Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that."-Martin Luther King Jr.
I just went through and deleted some older posts.
Shocked? Me too. I didn't think that I really would. I thought maybe it was necessary to keep all the posts that I've written. I mean, these posts have been who I was and am from the beginning of this year. So shouldn't I keep a record?
But why would I want to keep a record on the things that make me sad?
There are still older posts. The ones that are sad. But they helped create the ME that I now AM.
I deleted the sorrow from my blog.
I'm deleting the sorrow from my life. Starting now.
Live. Laugh. Love.
I just went through and deleted some older posts.
Shocked? Me too. I didn't think that I really would. I thought maybe it was necessary to keep all the posts that I've written. I mean, these posts have been who I was and am from the beginning of this year. So shouldn't I keep a record?
But, I deleted some. Particularly the ones that made me the most sad or angry.
Ya, you can look. I know there are still some there.
I kept those cuz those are the major ones. The ones that really show my progression.
Life is so unfigureoutable, isn't it? It starts out one way, then throws a fast one at you.
And you're never ready for the fast one.
And so, you make dumb mistakes. Or get hurt. Or hurt others.
Life is so unfigureoutable. We think we are one way, then we find out that we've been wrong.
And then you realize just how much you really did not know about yourself.
Life is so unfigureoutable. It's hard to figure out how to let go of the past. Of the people of the past. Of the past YOU.
And so, you hold on to it. The grudges. The memories. The sorrow. It drags you further and further down.
Life is so unfigureoutable.
Cuz Life is always changing.
And you have to change with it.
But Life is figureoutable in one aspect:
MAN ARE THAT THEY MIGHT HAVE JOY.
Joy. Happiness. Goodness.
"Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that."-Martin Luther King Jr.
I just went through and deleted some older posts.
Shocked? Me too. I didn't think that I really would. I thought maybe it was necessary to keep all the posts that I've written. I mean, these posts have been who I was and am from the beginning of this year. So shouldn't I keep a record?
But why would I want to keep a record on the things that make me sad?
There are still older posts. The ones that are sad. But they helped create the ME that I now AM.
I deleted the sorrow from my blog.
I'm deleting the sorrow from my life. Starting now.
Live. Laugh. Love.
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Working on it
My name is Jense.
I'm working on it.
On what exactly? Everything.
Being a better singer. Being a better pianist. Writing life changing lyrics. Being charitable. Being a better friend. Loving myself.
I had an epiphany today. Actually, it's nothing new. In fact, it's from one of the greatest movies ever.
"The greatest thing you'll ever learn,
Is just to love,
And be loved in return."
But I put a little twist on it.
"The greatest thing you'll ever learn,
Is to love yourself,
And let others love you."
Sure, it doesn't rhyme. Rhyming was never my strong suit.
But the meaning is what's important.
Before you can let others love you, you gotta love yourself.
You gotta love you. You.
So, what does this epiphany gotta do with my "working on it" statement? Everything.
How can I become a better singer if I don't already love that I can sing? (At least, that's what I'd like to think.) How can I become a better pianist if I don't already love that I can play anything that I want? How can I write life changing lyrics if I don't love how I write it already? How can I be a better friend and charitable if I don't already love myself?
But most importantly, how can I love others, if I don't already love myself?
I'm not gonna say it's impossible, cuz it is.
It's just a whole heck of a lot harder to do so.
I'm working on it.
I'm working on loving.
I'm working on it.
On what exactly? Everything.
Being a better singer. Being a better pianist. Writing life changing lyrics. Being charitable. Being a better friend. Loving myself.
I had an epiphany today. Actually, it's nothing new. In fact, it's from one of the greatest movies ever.
"The greatest thing you'll ever learn,
Is just to love,
And be loved in return."
But I put a little twist on it.
"The greatest thing you'll ever learn,
Is to love yourself,
And let others love you."
Sure, it doesn't rhyme. Rhyming was never my strong suit.
But the meaning is what's important.
Before you can let others love you, you gotta love yourself.
You gotta love you. You.
So, what does this epiphany gotta do with my "working on it" statement? Everything.
How can I become a better singer if I don't already love that I can sing? (At least, that's what I'd like to think.) How can I become a better pianist if I don't already love that I can play anything that I want? How can I write life changing lyrics if I don't love how I write it already? How can I be a better friend and charitable if I don't already love myself?
But most importantly, how can I love others, if I don't already love myself?
I'm not gonna say it's impossible, cuz it is.
It's just a whole heck of a lot harder to do so.
I'm working on it.
I'm working on loving.
Sunday, July 3, 2011
Q's&A's
My name is Jense.
I ask questions all the time.
"Why is this the way it is?" "Why do bad things happen to good people?" "Why do these kinds of things happen?"
I ask because I want answers. I'm not fine with "It's just way things are." I need to know why. Why Why Why. I need to understand, not just know.
Then, when I figure out the answer, I feel so much better.
Sometimes, it takes me forever to figure out the answers. Years even.
Like, why do I have a hearing aid? Why did he leave me? Why am I the second best? Why does everyone hate me?
These, obviously, are old questions that I have asked before in my life. Questions that I finally have answers to.
They happened because in some weird way, they help strengthen me.
I have a hearing aid, which makes me have to listen intently. Because of that, I am a good listener, and anyone can come to me. He left me because he is not for me, and because I deserve so much better than that. I'm second best so that I can learn to push and challenge myself so that I can become better. Everyone hated me because I made the right decision.
Things are gonna happen, and you're not gonna understand why they happened at first, whether it be a devastating break up, a death of a loss one, or someone who you were so close to leave. It will hurt. A lot.
But in time, other things will happen, and we will understand why the hurt came. And we will realize that we actually needed it, and that it was the best thing that could ever happen.
And the best part is, it always works out for our good.
Cool, huh?
I ask questions all the time.
"Why is this the way it is?" "Why do bad things happen to good people?" "Why do these kinds of things happen?"
I ask because I want answers. I'm not fine with "It's just way things are." I need to know why. Why Why Why. I need to understand, not just know.
Then, when I figure out the answer, I feel so much better.
Sometimes, it takes me forever to figure out the answers. Years even.
Like, why do I have a hearing aid? Why did he leave me? Why am I the second best? Why does everyone hate me?
These, obviously, are old questions that I have asked before in my life. Questions that I finally have answers to.
They happened because in some weird way, they help strengthen me.
I have a hearing aid, which makes me have to listen intently. Because of that, I am a good listener, and anyone can come to me. He left me because he is not for me, and because I deserve so much better than that. I'm second best so that I can learn to push and challenge myself so that I can become better. Everyone hated me because I made the right decision.
Things are gonna happen, and you're not gonna understand why they happened at first, whether it be a devastating break up, a death of a loss one, or someone who you were so close to leave. It will hurt. A lot.
But in time, other things will happen, and we will understand why the hurt came. And we will realize that we actually needed it, and that it was the best thing that could ever happen.
And the best part is, it always works out for our good.
Cool, huh?
Friday, July 1, 2011
City Dreams
My name is Jense.
I need out.
Out. Out. Out.
I need out of this town.
I need out of this lifestyle.
I'm desperate.
I've always been a small town girl, living in a lonely world. That was me. That IS me. I never really questioned it.
Now, randomly, I want to travel. Leave. See the world!
I've never had that desire. Ever. In fact, I hate New York. I always thought it was trashy. England would be cool, but that was just a pipe dream. Never to happen.
Maybe this feeling of lonliness has finally gotten the best of me. Maybe being in this little town in this state of nothing but pastures, cattle, and bad weather is finally getting to me.
Or maybe it's the memories.
Whatever it is, though, I want out.
Cuz if I'm gonna be lonely, at least I'd be in the midst of billions of people. No one would see me anyways. Cuz no one else sees each other.
I never thought the idea of being so invisible would sound so appealing.
I need out.
Out. Out. Out.
I need out of this town.
I need out of this lifestyle.
I'm desperate.
I've always been a small town girl, living in a lonely world. That was me. That IS me. I never really questioned it.
Now, randomly, I want to travel. Leave. See the world!
I've never had that desire. Ever. In fact, I hate New York. I always thought it was trashy. England would be cool, but that was just a pipe dream. Never to happen.
Maybe this feeling of lonliness has finally gotten the best of me. Maybe being in this little town in this state of nothing but pastures, cattle, and bad weather is finally getting to me.
Or maybe it's the memories.
Whatever it is, though, I want out.
Cuz if I'm gonna be lonely, at least I'd be in the midst of billions of people. No one would see me anyways. Cuz no one else sees each other.
I never thought the idea of being so invisible would sound so appealing.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Unfigureoutable
My name is Jense.
Life is so unfigureoutable.
Most would say unpredictable. But lets face it. I'm not like most.
Besides, unfigureoutable is more fun to say.
That has become my new philosophy in life. Everything is unfigureoutable: boys, girls, purpose, love, the future. It's unfigureoutable in the fact that when life seems to be going one way, it WILL (cuz it always does) pull a fast one on you. A curve ball. Sometimes, that can be a negative thing, but it can also be a positive thing.
Things happen. Whether we want them or not. People come into our lives, people leaves our lives. Opportunity come, opportunity go. We win some, we lose some. We fail, we succeed. It's a non-ending cycle of unfigureoutableness.
Life is an unfiguroutable riddle. A riddle that gives the hints and the clues, but never the full answer. It's a quest without a map.
And that's what makes it such a great adventure.
Life is so unfigureoutable.
Most would say unpredictable. But lets face it. I'm not like most.
Besides, unfigureoutable is more fun to say.
That has become my new philosophy in life. Everything is unfigureoutable: boys, girls, purpose, love, the future. It's unfigureoutable in the fact that when life seems to be going one way, it WILL (cuz it always does) pull a fast one on you. A curve ball. Sometimes, that can be a negative thing, but it can also be a positive thing.
Things happen. Whether we want them or not. People come into our lives, people leaves our lives. Opportunity come, opportunity go. We win some, we lose some. We fail, we succeed. It's a non-ending cycle of unfigureoutableness.
Life is an unfiguroutable riddle. A riddle that gives the hints and the clues, but never the full answer. It's a quest without a map.
And that's what makes it such a great adventure.
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