Segments

My name is Jense.
I am exceptional.
"Work in segments."
"Life is a journey, not a destination. Remember that."
"Less stress."
"Line upon line. Precept upon precept."
My dad is the best.
So is my Father.

2nd Nature

My name is Jense.
I am the third wheel.
Most would say that's a bad thing. But is it really?
I've been the third wheel my whole life. No joke. But it's been so long, that I almost feel like that's just how it is.
When I was 5 years old, I got a hearing aid. Ya, I know. 5. Very little. I've had this thing for literally my entire life. I cannot even fathom what my life would be like without it. It's 2nd nature to me.
But I wonder how much I really miss out on. Things that I don't hear. For me, my hearing is normal.
But, really, it's not normal.
I am the third wheel.
I watch people flirt and hold hands and cuddle. I watch people laugh and kiss and love.
It's 2nd nature to me.
I wonder how much I really miss out on.

Tragic

My name is Jense.
You know, I started writing this, and I was gonna start complaining about how I wish for things I didn't have. Like, how I was gorgeous like my cousin, sang like my roommate or aunt, outgoing like my other roommate. Things like that.
Then I decided against it.
Cuz here's a fact: It doesn't matter how much I wish. I'm still gonna be me. Ordinary me. Not gorgeous. Not extremely talented. Probably not extremely outgoing.
But you know, that's ok.
It's ok to not be the one that stands out. It's ok to not be the Alpha.
I think about how life would be if I wasnt the way I was. And I decided it would be so different.
I wouldn't have the friends I have. I wouldn't be the way I am.
I wouldn't be me.
How tragic would that be?

Medicine for a Broken Heart

My name is Jense.
This is medicine for a broken heart.
SING when you want to cry.
DANCE when you want to hide.
LAUGH when there are no words.
And always LOVE.

Why?

My name is Jense.
I'm confused.
Why am I here? What is my point of life?
No, that's not suppose to be suicidal. It's sincere.
Why am I here, really? There must be a point. I was suppose to be dead 19 years ago. Having just one breath of life, then go back.
But I didn't.
I lived.
And that would have been one dramatic entrance into life, if I'm not suppose to go out with a bang. Something that makes my mark on Earth.
So why?

Nowadays

My name is Jense.
Sometimes I just sit in my room and let myself drown in music.
It's the only thing that makes sense in this confused world nowadays.

May 15th

My name is Jense.
Im not gonna lie, I've been waiting all day to write this. Well, all day on the 14th, so that I would be awake at 12 a.m. on the 15th. Why the 15th? May 15th?
Well, it was the day where my life changed.
Ok. So that may sound a little melodramatic. But it really is true.
May 15, 2011.
......
May 15, 2009
I'm pretty sure I can honestly say that there's not a day that goes by that I don't think about at least one part of that day or night.
I think of all of us at lava. Thai food. Driving home. Your arm around me.
The park.
What a good day. Could possibly be the best of my life thus far.
But the one thing that stands out to me the most in my memories are the stars.
Looking up at those stars. So clear. So beautiful.
I felt so safe in your arms. My head on your shoulder. Your hand in my hair.
Secrets. Confessions. The first kiss.
May 15th 2009.
.......
May 15th 2011.
I am here. You are there. Miles apart.
But somehow, I feel that when you realize that it is May 15th, you will remember. Even if it's very brief. And somehow, I know that when you realize it's May 15th, you'll smile, maybe chuckle a little. Then you will continue doing the work.
.......
I love you.

Tips for Life

My name is Jense.
I don't really know what to write about tonight. All I know is that I just need to.
I'm not gonna pretend that I'm a fantastic writer, and try and come up with something very deep and profound to say. I'm not gonna worry about trying to use some effective literary devices that will make my post seem deeper than it really is. I'm pretty tired about writing about love and heartbreak and lonliness, so I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna write about how life sux, cuz I dont wanna feel that way anymore.
I'm just writing to write. For myself.
Yes, I still miss you, and everyday, I wonder where you are, and what you are doing. How life is treating you.
Yes, I feel more alone now than I have in a very long time. About a year, actually.
Yes, everyday it gets harder and harder knowing that Im not in a relationship or anything like that.
But there's more to life than that.
It's just about trying to find out what it is.
And right now, while just randomly writing this, I just thought of something kinda interesting. And that is, there's not just one thing that you're suppose to discover in life.
Like, you're not just suppose to discover "who you are." You're not just suppose to "love someone more than yourself." You're not suppose to just "find you're purpose of life."
Cuz honestly, who defines that? It's different for everyone. Love is different for everyone. Purpose is different for everyone.
Life is a nonstop, neverending riddle. Un-figure-out-able.
Yes. I did just make that word up.
Life is changing. Everyday. Every hour. It's never the same.
Most days are ordinary. But even the ordinary days bring change.
Be prepared to accept the change.
Be prepared to move on.
Be prepared for failure and sadness. But at the same time, be prepared for success and happiness.
"We were not put here on earth to be stagnant."
Yes, that is in my self love bible.
Love this life. Cuz if you don't love this one, how can you love the next?
"Attitudes are contagious. Is yours worth catching?"
Yes. That is also in my self love bible.
Live. Laugh. Love.

Maybe

My name is Jense.
Sometimes, I just wanna cry.
Sometimes, I just wanna cry, and I really don't know why.
Maybe it's cuz my ankle hurts like hell.
Maybe it's cuz I'm homesick.
Maybe it's cuz I'm tired of seeing her all over him all the time.
Maybe it's cuz I'm the third wheel.
Maybe it's cuz I'm really awkward, and I honestly do not know how to respond or react in certain situations, and so it makes me look like an idiot.
Maybe it's cuz she's so talented, and such an amazing singer, and that's all I've ever wanted in the world, and I can't have that.
Maybe it's cuz with every passing day, I realize that I'm never gonna hear right, and I'm always gonna look stupid when I'm with a lot of people, cuz I can't hear right.
Maybe it's cuz I have to be strong for so many people, when I don't even have the strength to help myself.
Maybe it's cuz every day, I see so many people being so happy, and I just have to be happy for them, even when it's tearing me apart inside.
Maybe it's cuz at the end of every day, I realize that I'm so alone.
Maybe...
Or maybe, it's all of the above.