My name is Jense.
I dreamt about you last night.
In this dream, though, it wasn't the past, like how things used to be. It was the present. How things are.
It felt real too. I really thought it happened after I woke up.
We saw each other. You just looked at me. Didn't say anything. Didn't smile. Just looked.
At first, it was hurt. Then disgust. Then anger.
Then you walked away without saying anything.
Without letting me say anything.
Just like reality.
Then I woke up.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Stupid and Bizarre
My name is Jense.
My roommate said, "I used to think that you and Syd were so stupid. Cuz it's never smart. No. Not one excuse. It's dumb. It's stupid."
Is it? Is it really stupid?
What defines stupid anyway? I mean, I've seen other people do things that I think is stupid, but they think it's totally normal. Like, staying up till 4 in the morning on a school night. If you ask me, that's stupid.
Ok, so that's beside the point. So anyways, I've been thinking a lot. Sure, there are some things that are legitmately stupid. Like staying up late. Or running out into the streets. Or running around naked around the neighborhood. (Yes these are bizarre examples. But that's why they are stupid.)
But then there's the other kind of stupid. The bizarrest of them all.
AKA: Love.
Yes. Love. The bizarrest of them all.
Is bizarrest even a word? Well, it is now.
Oh the things that love will make you do. Really. Think about it. It makes you not think. Right?
Love will make you sell yourself short, and go for the guy who doesn't treat you right. Make you do things you don't wanna do. Make you do things just to feel loved.
Love will make you stay with someone for years, even if you know that it's not working.
Love will make you stay with someone, even when they have problems, physically, mentally, or spiritually. It will make you stay for months, with no guarantee that they will stay.
Love will make you wait for someone to come back, even if its for years. It will keep you hoping, even if you don't know what will happen when they come back.
....
If they come back.
....
If they even love you if they come back.
....
Bizarre, huh?
I don't think so.
You wanna know why love is the bizarrest of them all? Cuz even though it has no guarantees, even though he may leave and never come back, even though you do the craziest things, you do it for him.
You do it for him because you love him more than yourself.
And when you love someone more than yourself, you find a reason to live. A reason to want to live.
And that's why Syd or I or any other girl who have loved someone more than themselves, aren't stupid.
Love is never stupid.
My roommate said, "I used to think that you and Syd were so stupid. Cuz it's never smart. No. Not one excuse. It's dumb. It's stupid."
Is it? Is it really stupid?
What defines stupid anyway? I mean, I've seen other people do things that I think is stupid, but they think it's totally normal. Like, staying up till 4 in the morning on a school night. If you ask me, that's stupid.
Ok, so that's beside the point. So anyways, I've been thinking a lot. Sure, there are some things that are legitmately stupid. Like staying up late. Or running out into the streets. Or running around naked around the neighborhood. (Yes these are bizarre examples. But that's why they are stupid.)
But then there's the other kind of stupid. The bizarrest of them all.
AKA: Love.
Yes. Love. The bizarrest of them all.
Is bizarrest even a word? Well, it is now.
Oh the things that love will make you do. Really. Think about it. It makes you not think. Right?
Love will make you sell yourself short, and go for the guy who doesn't treat you right. Make you do things you don't wanna do. Make you do things just to feel loved.
Love will make you stay with someone for years, even if you know that it's not working.
Love will make you stay with someone, even when they have problems, physically, mentally, or spiritually. It will make you stay for months, with no guarantee that they will stay.
Love will make you wait for someone to come back, even if its for years. It will keep you hoping, even if you don't know what will happen when they come back.
....
If they come back.
....
If they even love you if they come back.
....
Bizarre, huh?
I don't think so.
You wanna know why love is the bizarrest of them all? Cuz even though it has no guarantees, even though he may leave and never come back, even though you do the craziest things, you do it for him.
You do it for him because you love him more than yourself.
And when you love someone more than yourself, you find a reason to live. A reason to want to live.
And that's why Syd or I or any other girl who have loved someone more than themselves, aren't stupid.
Love is never stupid.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Left Out
My name is Jense.
I wish I had boy drama.
Weird, huh? I would normally never say that. Ever.
But right now, listening to my roommates talk about how all these guys like them, and seeing them bond the way they are, it makes me want it.
So I wouldn't be left out.
I wish I had boy drama.
Weird, huh? I would normally never say that. Ever.
But right now, listening to my roommates talk about how all these guys like them, and seeing them bond the way they are, it makes me want it.
So I wouldn't be left out.
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Some insults in a Teenage Life
My name is Jense.
And this is my journal.
Ya, pretty much that is what you have all been reading. My journal. Not a very private one, or typical one, but that's what it is.
A journal can be used in many ways, like write what happened during the day, or your thoughts, or your goals. Which is pretty much what I've been using this for.
It is also used to let out feelings of frustration.
Which is what I'm gonna do right now.
Caution: Yes. I know I'm risking it, because anyone can read this at any given point. But I'm willing to do that.
I can remember the first real insult I was given.
It was, "Maybe if you wore these kind of clothes, you would be prettier."
Yes. That was what it was. Shocked me a little. I never knew that clothes were that important. But hey, what did I know? I wore jeans, a T, and tennis shoes everyday.
And so I started wearing different kind of clothes.
Then it was, "If you wear this kind of makeup, you won't be as ugly."
Can you believe that? The nerve. But hey, what did I know? I never wore an ounce of makeup in my life.
And so I started wearing makeup.
But then, the list grew even more.
"You're too short. If you were taller, boys would like you."
"When your hair is longer, boys will like you, cuz boys like longer hair."
"You have a very round face."
"You should wax your eyebrows. They are so bushy."
"You have a long nose."
"Jensen is ugly."
Things that I really couldn't change.
And this was all between the ages of 12-14. Constant insults.
And from that moment on, I was very insecure about myself.
Im definitely getting better. At least, I think I am. I try to point out a positive thing about myself everyday, to make up for all the negative.
But there's still those...
"You can't be a princess. Princesses are pretty."
"It's because you're black."
"Why would you go to BYU Idaho?"
"Why do you talk like that?"
"You talk funny."
"It's because you're deaf."
"If you got married before me, I'd be so pissed."
"You're such a freak."
"Nevermind."
" *whispers* "
Whispers are the absolute worse. Gosh, I hate it when people whisper.
Anyways, yes. Those are just some insults I've recieved. And I know half of them are "just kidding" insults.
But those are almost worse. In every "Just kidding", there is a "But seriously".
Which, honestly, I really don't know what I did to deserve them. Cuz I really do try and be nice to people. And I try to uplift people, even if I feel insecure around them. Being uplifting makes everyone feel just a whole lot better.
But if I'm doing something wrong, and if it's a punishment, please God, let me know what I did, and I will correct my ways.
Otherwise, people, if you just need someone to insult to make yourself feel better, that's just sad.
So sad.
And this is my journal.
Ya, pretty much that is what you have all been reading. My journal. Not a very private one, or typical one, but that's what it is.
A journal can be used in many ways, like write what happened during the day, or your thoughts, or your goals. Which is pretty much what I've been using this for.
It is also used to let out feelings of frustration.
Which is what I'm gonna do right now.
Caution: Yes. I know I'm risking it, because anyone can read this at any given point. But I'm willing to do that.
I can remember the first real insult I was given.
It was, "Maybe if you wore these kind of clothes, you would be prettier."
Yes. That was what it was. Shocked me a little. I never knew that clothes were that important. But hey, what did I know? I wore jeans, a T, and tennis shoes everyday.
And so I started wearing different kind of clothes.
Then it was, "If you wear this kind of makeup, you won't be as ugly."
Can you believe that? The nerve. But hey, what did I know? I never wore an ounce of makeup in my life.
And so I started wearing makeup.
But then, the list grew even more.
"You're too short. If you were taller, boys would like you."
"When your hair is longer, boys will like you, cuz boys like longer hair."
"You have a very round face."
"You should wax your eyebrows. They are so bushy."
"You have a long nose."
"Jensen is ugly."
Things that I really couldn't change.
And this was all between the ages of 12-14. Constant insults.
And from that moment on, I was very insecure about myself.
Im definitely getting better. At least, I think I am. I try to point out a positive thing about myself everyday, to make up for all the negative.
But there's still those...
"You can't be a princess. Princesses are pretty."
"It's because you're black."
"Why would you go to BYU Idaho?"
"Why do you talk like that?"
"You talk funny."
"It's because you're deaf."
"If you got married before me, I'd be so pissed."
"You're such a freak."
"Nevermind."
" *whispers* "
Whispers are the absolute worse. Gosh, I hate it when people whisper.
Anyways, yes. Those are just some insults I've recieved. And I know half of them are "just kidding" insults.
But those are almost worse. In every "Just kidding", there is a "But seriously".
Which, honestly, I really don't know what I did to deserve them. Cuz I really do try and be nice to people. And I try to uplift people, even if I feel insecure around them. Being uplifting makes everyone feel just a whole lot better.
But if I'm doing something wrong, and if it's a punishment, please God, let me know what I did, and I will correct my ways.
Otherwise, people, if you just need someone to insult to make yourself feel better, that's just sad.
So sad.
Friday, April 15, 2011
The Office
My name is Jense.
I found your old office today.
It was by accident. I was really trying to find the bathroom. But I took a wrong turn.
It had your name on the door.
"B.J. Bart J. Parrish
Boss's Husband"
I stared at it. I was a little scared at first. I pushed the door open.
The room was really messy. It still hasn't been cleaned out, even though it's been 14 years.
I walked in. There was your desk. Your flag. Your "L" Lion's Club vest. The window looked out into the garage, where people fix their cars. It all looks the same.
I remember when you used to sit behind that desk. When you wore that vest. It's very blurry and vague, but I remember.
It's been 14 years.
And yet, your memory still makes me cry.
I found your old office today.
It was by accident. I was really trying to find the bathroom. But I took a wrong turn.
It had your name on the door.
"B.J. Bart J. Parrish
Boss's Husband"
I stared at it. I was a little scared at first. I pushed the door open.
The room was really messy. It still hasn't been cleaned out, even though it's been 14 years.
I walked in. There was your desk. Your flag. Your "L" Lion's Club vest. The window looked out into the garage, where people fix their cars. It all looks the same.
I remember when you used to sit behind that desk. When you wore that vest. It's very blurry and vague, but I remember.
It's been 14 years.
And yet, your memory still makes me cry.
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Through Different Eyes
My name is Jense.
Yesterday, I was chilling out on my mom's laptop, and I decided to look at her pictures that were on it. I found a LOT of old photos. Of me.
Man, as a sophomore, I guess I really had nothing better to do than sit in my room and take pictures of myself. Then again, I really didn't have anything better to do. I didn't really have friends at that point in my life.
But that is besides the point. The point, I'm looking at these pictures (that yes, most I took of myself) and I realized something.
I'm beautiful.
Or was. I'm not so sure. But anyways, I really was a pretty girl, if I do say so myself.
It was interesting to me though. Because back then, I really honestly thought I was ugly. Like, there was nothing "pretty" about me.
But that's also because the "friends" I had tore me apart.
"You're short."
"You're hair is to short."
"You're ugly."
Yes it's true. I've been told all that, and more. And I believed it. Worse. I started noticing every little tiny detail about me, but instead of loving myself for it, I hated myself. For years.
4 years later, though, I look at these photos, and I realize I wasn't ugly. And I'm not trying to sound vain, but I'm realizing that I'm really not.
Isn't that interesting?
It makes me think.
In the moment, you don't think you're attractive. Or good enough for anything. But after a few years, you grow and develop. You take some, you lose some. You're a different person. And you can look back and realize how you really were all those years ago. And you realize you really are beautiful. And you can really say that, because you see how much you change.
I wonder how I will look at the "now me" when I'm the "future me".
Sometimes, I wish I could see myself through different eyes. See how I am. Judge from a different standpoint. I think it would be way different.
I have friends, who are absolutely beautiful. And I'm not just saying that because it's my obligation. They really truly are. And yet, they don't see it themselves. And it's awful, because I know that if they saw themselves the way I did, they wouldn't think that about themselves. They would see themselves as great amazing girls. Girls that can anything that they want. Reach their full potential.
Maybe this is how God feels.
Yesterday, I was chilling out on my mom's laptop, and I decided to look at her pictures that were on it. I found a LOT of old photos. Of me.
Man, as a sophomore, I guess I really had nothing better to do than sit in my room and take pictures of myself. Then again, I really didn't have anything better to do. I didn't really have friends at that point in my life.
But that is besides the point. The point, I'm looking at these pictures (that yes, most I took of myself) and I realized something.
I'm beautiful.
Or was. I'm not so sure. But anyways, I really was a pretty girl, if I do say so myself.
It was interesting to me though. Because back then, I really honestly thought I was ugly. Like, there was nothing "pretty" about me.
But that's also because the "friends" I had tore me apart.
"You're short."
"You're hair is to short."
"You're ugly."
Yes it's true. I've been told all that, and more. And I believed it. Worse. I started noticing every little tiny detail about me, but instead of loving myself for it, I hated myself. For years.
4 years later, though, I look at these photos, and I realize I wasn't ugly. And I'm not trying to sound vain, but I'm realizing that I'm really not.
Isn't that interesting?
It makes me think.
In the moment, you don't think you're attractive. Or good enough for anything. But after a few years, you grow and develop. You take some, you lose some. You're a different person. And you can look back and realize how you really were all those years ago. And you realize you really are beautiful. And you can really say that, because you see how much you change.
I wonder how I will look at the "now me" when I'm the "future me".
Sometimes, I wish I could see myself through different eyes. See how I am. Judge from a different standpoint. I think it would be way different.
I have friends, who are absolutely beautiful. And I'm not just saying that because it's my obligation. They really truly are. And yet, they don't see it themselves. And it's awful, because I know that if they saw themselves the way I did, they wouldn't think that about themselves. They would see themselves as great amazing girls. Girls that can anything that they want. Reach their full potential.
Maybe this is how God feels.
Monday, April 11, 2011
I am Evidence
My name is Jense.
There's a lot of debate on the existance of God. The existence of a higher power. A lot of people nowadays don't believe in Him.
It's sad really.
I'm not judging those that don't, please don't think that I am. But it's just sad to me.
There's no way there can't be.
How do I know?
I am evidence of His miraculous power.
Tonight for FHE, my family and I got into a discussion about the Lord's timing. It started out with Christ teaching and preaching to the Jews, but just working miracles for the Gentiles. I never really realized that before. So we talked about that, and how Christ was commanded to preach to the Jews specifically, but not the Gentiles. That led to how even in the latter days, some privileges are not given to some right away, like how blacks couldn't recieve the prisesthood until later in history. Some people have a hard time accepting that. But, that's not the point. The point is, that for some reason or other, the Lord saw it fit that blacks couldn't recieve the priesthood until way later.
I didn't understand really, so I asked my dad. He said that he honestly didn't know. "Maybe it would have given people more of a reason to persecute the church. Maybe it would have caused more grievances. I do not know. But all I do know is that God is all knowing, and He knew why they couldn't have the power at the time." That was his response.
Then the FHE lesson really began (that was really a scripture study discussion). Mom had the lesson. Ironically enough, it was kind of about priesthood power.
She started telling the story of how when I was born. How when I was born, I couldn't breathe. How right at the moment the doctors got me out, Dad asked if he could give me a blessing. That part I did know about.
What I didn't realize was that within hours of my birth, my names were in 7 different temples. People all over were praying for me. People that didn't even know who I was. People who would never know who I am. They were praying for me. For my family. Crying to God that they would bless us with the special blessings that I needed. I doubt they even knew how serious the situation was.
I am here, typing this. I walk with both legs. I see with both eyes. I hear with both ears (for the most part). I can talk. I can write. I get good grades in school. I like to sing and dance.
You look me right in the eye and tell me that there is no God.
There's a lot of debate on the existance of God. The existence of a higher power. A lot of people nowadays don't believe in Him.
It's sad really.
I'm not judging those that don't, please don't think that I am. But it's just sad to me.
There's no way there can't be.
How do I know?
I am evidence of His miraculous power.
Tonight for FHE, my family and I got into a discussion about the Lord's timing. It started out with Christ teaching and preaching to the Jews, but just working miracles for the Gentiles. I never really realized that before. So we talked about that, and how Christ was commanded to preach to the Jews specifically, but not the Gentiles. That led to how even in the latter days, some privileges are not given to some right away, like how blacks couldn't recieve the prisesthood until later in history. Some people have a hard time accepting that. But, that's not the point. The point is, that for some reason or other, the Lord saw it fit that blacks couldn't recieve the priesthood until way later.
I didn't understand really, so I asked my dad. He said that he honestly didn't know. "Maybe it would have given people more of a reason to persecute the church. Maybe it would have caused more grievances. I do not know. But all I do know is that God is all knowing, and He knew why they couldn't have the power at the time." That was his response.
Then the FHE lesson really began (that was really a scripture study discussion). Mom had the lesson. Ironically enough, it was kind of about priesthood power.
She started telling the story of how when I was born. How when I was born, I couldn't breathe. How right at the moment the doctors got me out, Dad asked if he could give me a blessing. That part I did know about.
What I didn't realize was that within hours of my birth, my names were in 7 different temples. People all over were praying for me. People that didn't even know who I was. People who would never know who I am. They were praying for me. For my family. Crying to God that they would bless us with the special blessings that I needed. I doubt they even knew how serious the situation was.
I am here, typing this. I walk with both legs. I see with both eyes. I hear with both ears (for the most part). I can talk. I can write. I get good grades in school. I like to sing and dance.
You look me right in the eye and tell me that there is no God.
Being Ordinary
My name is Jense.
I have hope.
I may not be the most beautiful girl in the world.
I may not have the most beautiful voice.
I may be the one in a bazillion people who can sight read anyway.
I may also be on in a bazillion people who write songs and medleys.
I may be totally and completely awkward.
I may be very shy.
I may get angry very easily over stupid things.
I may be the worse advice giver on the planet.
I may not be the smartest person.
I may not be the most athletic person.
I may be perfectly ordinary.
But, I have something to share. And one day, people will know it.
I have beautiful skin.
I have an all right voice.
I can sight read.
I can write songs and medleys.
I've got an awesome personality. One that can get along with pretty much anyone.
I'm getting better at controlling my anger.
I may not know what to say, but I'm always there.
I have the ability to learn.
I run.
Sure, to the world I'm just someone.
But one day, I'm gonna be the world to someone.
Yes. Even ordinary me.
I have hope.
I may not be the most beautiful girl in the world.
I may not have the most beautiful voice.
I may be the one in a bazillion people who can sight read anyway.
I may also be on in a bazillion people who write songs and medleys.
I may be totally and completely awkward.
I may be very shy.
I may get angry very easily over stupid things.
I may be the worse advice giver on the planet.
I may not be the smartest person.
I may not be the most athletic person.
I may be perfectly ordinary.
But, I have something to share. And one day, people will know it.
I have beautiful skin.
I have an all right voice.
I can sight read.
I can write songs and medleys.
I've got an awesome personality. One that can get along with pretty much anyone.
I'm getting better at controlling my anger.
I may not know what to say, but I'm always there.
I have the ability to learn.
I run.
Sure, to the world I'm just someone.
But one day, I'm gonna be the world to someone.
Yes. Even ordinary me.
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Princes
My name is Jense.
Im realizing everyday that it is possible to fall in love with the wrong person. I should know. I am becoming an expert at that.
Depressing, isn't it? All our lives, starting from when we are young, we watch Disney, or Barbie, or whatever other fantasies there are, and they are all the same: damsel in distress, evil witches, knight in shining armor comes along, save the princess, and they all live happily ever after. I can't think of any childhood story where the princess falls in love with a different person.
Story books forgot to mention that sometimes, there are other princes.
I'm sitting here thinking about all the guys that I actually had a "thing" with. Whatever you want to call it. My "princes".
My first prince was a knight in clay armor. Really wasn't great. Sorrry to say. He was a horrible kisser too. But, being 15, of course I settled for it. Lamest thing of my life. I'm not gonna call it a mistake, really, cuz I honestly didn't know, and I was innocent. It was just an experience.
But it opened my eyes alot.
Then, there was my second one. He was a knight in bronze armor. Could have had potential. Seemed like it. But bronze just isn't gold. Cept, I didnt see it. I settled for it. That, I will say, was one of the biggest mistakes of my life. There was nothing worth it in the situation. And, oh, how it hurt when he left. Now though, I'm glad of it.
(The interesting thing about bronze, though, is that sometimes, it can appear as gold. I mean, if you didn't actually have gold next to it, it would look pretty authentic. Potential. Maybe that's why I settled for it.)
Last, there was my knight in silver armor. He was good. He is good still. In fact, right now as I type this, he is on a journey; his journey to become a prince in gold armor.
I loved him, that knight in silver armor. I still do, really. I always will.
But, he isn't my prince in gold armor.
And I, a princess, will not settle for anything less.
Hurry, my prince. I am still waiting.
Come find me.
Im realizing everyday that it is possible to fall in love with the wrong person. I should know. I am becoming an expert at that.
Depressing, isn't it? All our lives, starting from when we are young, we watch Disney, or Barbie, or whatever other fantasies there are, and they are all the same: damsel in distress, evil witches, knight in shining armor comes along, save the princess, and they all live happily ever after. I can't think of any childhood story where the princess falls in love with a different person.
Story books forgot to mention that sometimes, there are other princes.
I'm sitting here thinking about all the guys that I actually had a "thing" with. Whatever you want to call it. My "princes".
My first prince was a knight in clay armor. Really wasn't great. Sorrry to say. He was a horrible kisser too. But, being 15, of course I settled for it. Lamest thing of my life. I'm not gonna call it a mistake, really, cuz I honestly didn't know, and I was innocent. It was just an experience.
But it opened my eyes alot.
Then, there was my second one. He was a knight in bronze armor. Could have had potential. Seemed like it. But bronze just isn't gold. Cept, I didnt see it. I settled for it. That, I will say, was one of the biggest mistakes of my life. There was nothing worth it in the situation. And, oh, how it hurt when he left. Now though, I'm glad of it.
(The interesting thing about bronze, though, is that sometimes, it can appear as gold. I mean, if you didn't actually have gold next to it, it would look pretty authentic. Potential. Maybe that's why I settled for it.)
Last, there was my knight in silver armor. He was good. He is good still. In fact, right now as I type this, he is on a journey; his journey to become a prince in gold armor.
I loved him, that knight in silver armor. I still do, really. I always will.
But, he isn't my prince in gold armor.
And I, a princess, will not settle for anything less.
Hurry, my prince. I am still waiting.
Come find me.
Monday, April 4, 2011
Random Thoughts as I lay in bed
My name is Jense.
Sometimes, I have these random thoughts as I lay in bed.
1. The mind is an amazing thing. Particularly when it comes to memory. You could think you did something when you really didn't, or vice versa, and the mind will honestly make you believe it. Cool huh?
2. Why is it that people will believe the Holy Bible, but not the Book of Mormon? Think about it. Someone had to have said, "The bible is true!" and everyone believed him, but when Joseph Smith says "The Book of Mormon is true!" people don't believe him. What made the first guy any different?
3. Why do they call it "sleeping together"? Clearly, you're not sleeping.
4. Life would be better if I were a character in a book. At least I'd know how my story ends.
5. Fictional men are better than real men.
6. Facebook is an excuse to show off. Seriously. It's all about who's dating who, who has the best statuses, or who has the best pictures. Not much else.
7. Boys who honk at girls as they are walking. Why don't you pull over and ask if she needs a ride, instead of being a jack?
8. It's sad how much we try and change ourselves to be socially accepted. Cuz what's socially acceptable changes all the time. So what's the point in trying to keep up with all of it?
9. Being sad and mad is more exhausting than being happy.
10. Tell a girl she's pretty, she'll believe it for 2 minutes. Tell a girl she's ugly, she'll believe it her whole life.
11. What is it about a kiss that is so nice? Cuz honestly, when you think about it, it's gross. Did you know you exchange 256 different types of bacteria when you kiss? And yet, it's the nicest thing in the world. I wonder who came up with the idea of putting 2 lips together and making it a symbol of love. Kinda random, don't you think?
12. When the 2nd coming happens, it's gonna be like the ultimate choir concert for the angels of heaven.
13. Love is not only about seeing someone as they are. Its about see them for their potential.
14. Girls are dramatic. It's true. And, probably about 60% of the time, they cause their own boy drama. Think about it. If girls thought like guys, we'd be so much more chill. And we wouldnt really care about a lot of things, I think.
Not saying that boys don't cause drama either, though. Cuz they most certainly do.
15. Note to self: Arrogance is unattractive.
16. Do you think God has a birthday?
17. Why is it we always have to look at the person that is driving next to us when we are stopped at a stoplight?
18. If someone, particularly a friend, is a total jack to you, or puts you down, or points out negative things about you, or says mean things to you, it just means they wish they were you.
Sometimes, I have these random thoughts as I lay in bed.
1. The mind is an amazing thing. Particularly when it comes to memory. You could think you did something when you really didn't, or vice versa, and the mind will honestly make you believe it. Cool huh?
2. Why is it that people will believe the Holy Bible, but not the Book of Mormon? Think about it. Someone had to have said, "The bible is true!" and everyone believed him, but when Joseph Smith says "The Book of Mormon is true!" people don't believe him. What made the first guy any different?
3. Why do they call it "sleeping together"? Clearly, you're not sleeping.
4. Life would be better if I were a character in a book. At least I'd know how my story ends.
5. Fictional men are better than real men.
6. Facebook is an excuse to show off. Seriously. It's all about who's dating who, who has the best statuses, or who has the best pictures. Not much else.
7. Boys who honk at girls as they are walking. Why don't you pull over and ask if she needs a ride, instead of being a jack?
8. It's sad how much we try and change ourselves to be socially accepted. Cuz what's socially acceptable changes all the time. So what's the point in trying to keep up with all of it?
9. Being sad and mad is more exhausting than being happy.
10. Tell a girl she's pretty, she'll believe it for 2 minutes. Tell a girl she's ugly, she'll believe it her whole life.
11. What is it about a kiss that is so nice? Cuz honestly, when you think about it, it's gross. Did you know you exchange 256 different types of bacteria when you kiss? And yet, it's the nicest thing in the world. I wonder who came up with the idea of putting 2 lips together and making it a symbol of love. Kinda random, don't you think?
12. When the 2nd coming happens, it's gonna be like the ultimate choir concert for the angels of heaven.
13. Love is not only about seeing someone as they are. Its about see them for their potential.
14. Girls are dramatic. It's true. And, probably about 60% of the time, they cause their own boy drama. Think about it. If girls thought like guys, we'd be so much more chill. And we wouldnt really care about a lot of things, I think.
Not saying that boys don't cause drama either, though. Cuz they most certainly do.
15. Note to self: Arrogance is unattractive.
16. Do you think God has a birthday?
17. Why is it we always have to look at the person that is driving next to us when we are stopped at a stoplight?
18. If someone, particularly a friend, is a total jack to you, or puts you down, or points out negative things about you, or says mean things to you, it just means they wish they were you.
Think of you
My name is Jense.
Sometimes, I'll walk by the basketball court on my way to class. I see people playing. It makes me think about how you and I used to play in the school basketball courts at night.
Sometimes, someone will say something really random and funny. It makes me think about how you always knew what to say to get me to laugh.
Sometimes, I'll watch a movie with Zefron in it. He always reminded me of you. Most people wont agree. True, you may not look completely alike. But you guys have the same facial looks. Most people wouldn't think so. But that's cuz they didnt know you like I did.
Everyday, I see people hold hands. It makes me think about the first time you sneakily took my hand. And the time in the woods. And the night we went sledding, and we walked back. You took my hand in yours. You held me in your arms.
Basically, everything I see makes me think of you.
And I know you're not really allowed... But I hope you think of me too.
Sometimes, I'll walk by the basketball court on my way to class. I see people playing. It makes me think about how you and I used to play in the school basketball courts at night.
Sometimes, someone will say something really random and funny. It makes me think about how you always knew what to say to get me to laugh.
Sometimes, I'll watch a movie with Zefron in it. He always reminded me of you. Most people wont agree. True, you may not look completely alike. But you guys have the same facial looks. Most people wouldn't think so. But that's cuz they didnt know you like I did.
Everyday, I see people hold hands. It makes me think about the first time you sneakily took my hand. And the time in the woods. And the night we went sledding, and we walked back. You took my hand in yours. You held me in your arms.
Basically, everything I see makes me think of you.
And I know you're not really allowed... But I hope you think of me too.
Sunday, April 3, 2011
A New Beginning
My name is Jense.
Today is just one of those days where I miss you a lot.
Most days I'm fine. I've gotten to the point where I can say your name without feeling a sting in my heart. Or I can hear people mention you and I just laugh at the stories. Heck, I can even tell a story about you and I'm fine. I don't burst into tears, or have to go to my room to compose myself. Most days, I'm just fine.
But then, there are days like today. Days where I just miss you a lot.
I read your last letter today. The one I haven't gotten the strength (or, to be frank, the desire) to respond to. You seemed really sincere and sorry. There were so many things that you never told me. So many secrets hidden.
We really could have had a chance, couldn't we? We really could have been together, couldn't we? We really could have worked things through, couldn't we?
But do you want to know the weirdest part?
I kinda feel like this isn't the end.
Maybe it's just a dream, a hope. Maybe it's just an imagination. But sometimes, I feel like this isn't the end.
Does that mean we are going to be together forever? Chances are, no.
Are we going to get married or anything? Most likely, not.
Will you even care for me when you come back? Probably not.
But I feel like this isn't the end.
Maybe it's just a new beginning.
Today is just one of those days where I miss you a lot.
Most days I'm fine. I've gotten to the point where I can say your name without feeling a sting in my heart. Or I can hear people mention you and I just laugh at the stories. Heck, I can even tell a story about you and I'm fine. I don't burst into tears, or have to go to my room to compose myself. Most days, I'm just fine.
But then, there are days like today. Days where I just miss you a lot.
I read your last letter today. The one I haven't gotten the strength (or, to be frank, the desire) to respond to. You seemed really sincere and sorry. There were so many things that you never told me. So many secrets hidden.
We really could have had a chance, couldn't we? We really could have been together, couldn't we? We really could have worked things through, couldn't we?
But do you want to know the weirdest part?
I kinda feel like this isn't the end.
Maybe it's just a dream, a hope. Maybe it's just an imagination. But sometimes, I feel like this isn't the end.
Does that mean we are going to be together forever? Chances are, no.
Are we going to get married or anything? Most likely, not.
Will you even care for me when you come back? Probably not.
But I feel like this isn't the end.
Maybe it's just a new beginning.
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Switch it Around
My name is Jense.
Here's the truth.
I'm afraid of what I want.
I know, right? It's weird. Kinda like, a juxtaposition? Oxymoron? Truth.
I know exactly what I want. I'd never admit it really. But I know exactly what I want.
And what I want is happiness. Guaranteed happiness. Joy beyond measure. I want to live in my own little home. Have my own kids. Maybe a dog one day. A husband who loves me. Marriage.
Love. Pure true love.
Am I old fashion? They would say so. They would say I'm weak. They would say I'm pathetic. They would say I should be better than that. They would say to put it off a few years.
Maybe that's why I'm afraid of what I want.
Because they switched the truth around alot. The truth about happiness.
They would say that happiness consists of a few things:
Being single
Being wealthy
Not having kids
Fame
Being the best at everything
Being skinny
Having the latest hairstyle
Wearing the latest fashions
Something like that.
Well. I've tried a lot of that.
And it doesn't really make me happy.
Maybe I switch it around a little.
Here's the truth.
I'm afraid of what I want.
I know, right? It's weird. Kinda like, a juxtaposition? Oxymoron? Truth.
I know exactly what I want. I'd never admit it really. But I know exactly what I want.
And what I want is happiness. Guaranteed happiness. Joy beyond measure. I want to live in my own little home. Have my own kids. Maybe a dog one day. A husband who loves me. Marriage.
Love. Pure true love.
Am I old fashion? They would say so. They would say I'm weak. They would say I'm pathetic. They would say I should be better than that. They would say to put it off a few years.
Maybe that's why I'm afraid of what I want.
Because they switched the truth around alot. The truth about happiness.
They would say that happiness consists of a few things:
Being single
Being wealthy
Not having kids
Fame
Being the best at everything
Being skinny
Having the latest hairstyle
Wearing the latest fashions
Something like that.
Well. I've tried a lot of that.
And it doesn't really make me happy.
Maybe I switch it around a little.
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