Some insults in a Teenage Life

My name is Jense.
And this is my journal.
Ya, pretty much that is what you have all been reading. My journal. Not a very private one, or typical one, but that's what it is.
A journal can be used in many ways, like write what happened during the day, or your thoughts, or your goals. Which is pretty much what I've been using this for.
It is also used to let out feelings of frustration.
Which is what I'm gonna do right now.

Caution: Yes. I know I'm risking it, because anyone can read this at any given point. But I'm willing to do that.

I can remember the first real insult I was given.
It was, "Maybe if you wore these kind of clothes, you would be prettier."
Yes. That was what it was. Shocked me a little. I never knew that clothes were that important. But hey, what did I know? I wore jeans, a T, and tennis shoes everyday.
And so I started wearing different kind of clothes.
Then it was, "If you wear this kind of makeup, you won't be as ugly."
Can you believe that? The nerve. But hey, what did I know? I never wore an ounce of makeup in my life.
And so I started wearing makeup.
But then, the list grew even more.
"You're too short. If you were taller, boys would like you."
"When your hair is longer, boys will like you, cuz boys like longer hair."
"You have a very round face."
"You should wax your eyebrows. They are so bushy."
"You have a long nose."
"Jensen is ugly."
Things that I really couldn't change.
And this was all between the ages of 12-14. Constant insults.
And from that moment on, I was very insecure about myself.
Im definitely getting better. At least, I think I am. I try to point out a positive thing about myself everyday, to make up for all the negative.
But there's still those...
"You can't be a princess. Princesses are pretty."
"It's because you're black."
"Why would you go to BYU Idaho?"
"Why do you talk like that?"
"You talk funny."
"It's because you're deaf."
"If you got married before me, I'd be so pissed."
"You're such a freak."
"Nevermind."
" *whispers* "
Whispers are the absolute worse. Gosh, I hate it when people whisper.
Anyways, yes. Those are just some insults I've recieved. And I know half of them are "just kidding" insults.
But those are almost worse. In every "Just kidding", there is a "But seriously".
Which, honestly, I really don't know what I did to deserve them. Cuz I really do try and be nice to people. And I try to uplift people, even if I feel insecure around them. Being uplifting makes everyone feel just a whole lot better.
But if I'm doing something wrong, and if it's a punishment, please God, let me know what I did, and I will correct my ways.
Otherwise, people, if you just need someone to insult to make yourself feel better, that's just sad.
So sad.